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Tuesday, July 05, 2005


I guess it has been a verii long time i haven been updatiin moii blog le!! the last time i update moii blog was 21st of june if i'm norrt wrong!! Haiix... time passes so fast niia... last month was june! and we were suppose to have fun duriin our holidays!! but seriously sayiin, i dunn thiink i had any fun duriin june holidays... first two weeks cum back ferr intensive.. den 3rd week muz do all those holidays assignments!! den 4th week muz do revision... u say do i have time ferr enjoyment? time realli pass verii fast... In a blink of eyes, i'm secc 4 now.. all moii frenx too... and i'm haviin moii 'N' Levels verii soon... juz 6 more days to moii N level oral... and 1 more month to moii prelims... omg! time ishh realli norrt enuf... guess i reallii niid to buck up le... no more of goiin our ferr shoppiin, movies and playiin...

so much things have happen recently... i dunn wish to say it here... juz wan to keep it in moii heart... bout bgr... i'm realli tired le! I'm realli tired of walkiin down the miserable road alone... moii heart ishh totally worn out le.. i dunn have the energy anymore.. wat am i suppose to do? I said i wan to forget him... but ishh it so easy? If it's so easy, i wunn be sho miserable right now... and of cosh i cried yesterday agaiin... i can't get to sleep... i ask rong ferr help.. i msg her... i felt realli heartbroken! I'm such a failure, aren't i? I can't even open moii mouth to tell him... I felt that i dun have the courage to talk to him anymore... I felt that my heart is dead le.. ishh numb le.. love him too much till numb le... i oso dunnoe wat's i'm doiin...

I dunnoe wat am i suppose to do now... can anyone tell miie wat to do? I've thought carefully thru' yesterday night le.. i decided to give up le.. after 4 years of waitiin... I give up le... reallii dun have the strength le... I decided to go solo le... I wan to gain back moii freedom... I wan to be the cheerful miie... The girl that u see everyday smiliin ishh norrt de miie... I had to do that sho that all the people around miie wunn worry ferr miie... but in my heart, it's bleediin, i'm cryiin... do anybody noes that? everyone tot i'm verii cheerful... verii relax... but hu reallii noes wat i'm feeliin... i guess no one will noes.... inside moii heart, it's bleediin profusely... the wound ishh too deep le.. will it becum a scar that can neber be healed? It's an unresolved question...

todae i went school wiif a verii bright smile on moii face... juz to let everyone noes i'm fine... but actually norrt... i saw him.. guess he saw miie too... i juz chat verii happily wiif moii twin sista... act as if nothiin happens.. somehow i noe he's been eyeing on miie... but i juz act as if i dunnoe... i walk pass him back and fourth and would like to see wat's his reaction... but still can be wat lehx? assembly time, recess time and lining up at hall time, i have been noticing him.. stariin at him.. if he have the same aspirations wiif miie, he will luk at miie too... but i dun think so... verii disappointed of course!!
and after school, he went up to the fourth level... juz as i was about to walk down the staircase, i saw him... he was caught by moii relief tcher ferr his shirt.. he gave excuses and wanted to ran away... but too bad the teacher scolded him... that teacher sux to the core... i hated her since last year... tot that i wun see this teacher agaiin... but sho SWAY!! she still scold him... make miie more hate her!! such a BITCH!! moii mummy support miie help miie scold her... that bloody bitch!! asshole... get away from my sight... seeing u onlii wan to make miie PUKE!! arrrggghhh!!! den he tuck in 3-4 times cosh the tcher wasn't happy.. den the last time he tuck in he snub back at the tcher and say 'LIKE THAT OK'? I felt happy.. cosh i hate that tcher too... hahax.... and so i walked down to the canteen...
Den norrt long lata, he oso came out... was lukiin ferr him... and finally i saw him... i dunnoe whether he saw miie... but i guess he did... i still remember that time his frenx push him to bang miie... haiix... was realli a sad story... and it's a long story and i dun wish to say... juz wanna kiip it in moii heart... den i rmb last week we were released from hall back to class after recess... moii class and his class walk together... juz side by side... he was verii close to miie... juz like last time he walk so close to miie and was pushed by his frenx to bang miie... that feeliin juz came back... and it realli hurts miie... the nearer he comes to miie the more i'm beiing hurrt... i realli wanted to tok to him... but i juz can't open moii mouth... i didn't even dare to luk at him... i juz act and pretend and tok to moii frebx... well it's realli a sad case, cosh it's such a good opportunity... haiix... but juz forget it bahx..
This ishh the second week of school reopen le... as i've said, time passes sho fast!! i think i reallii ought to stop le... I'll give up on him le... I will be as strrong as Jiie de.. i will stand up as soon as possible de... I will norrt add any other burdens to people around hu concern bout miie... I will norrt let myself be unhappy anymore... I'll juz let nature takes it's course... whatever cums juz let it cums and whatever goes let it goes... all right i dun wish to say anymore le.. I'll juz end here... Sadness filled inside moii heart, bleediin everywhere...


_.:^"^:._ wishiin f0r miracles t0 happen _.:^"^:._

Jeannie was here @

5:27 PM